Just a little babble.

Guise! I haven't posted in a while, huh?

This makes me a bad person I know.

So I have an extremely busy December, and I can't understand how. I know it sounds weird to wonder how you've got a busy month, but I started working recently, and it's on a bit of a touch and go basis really. I get called in if they have work, and I don't get called in if they don't, but i've found myself having to say I can't go in a lot lately because of the plans I already have.

I've never been the sort of person that likes to go out very often. Of course I enjoy it, and I like spending time with other people, but a lot of the time, I just end up going to their houses, or they end up coming to mine, unless of course, I'm going to a gig, which is actually my main sense of a night out. I'd rather go to a gig or a few gigs and hang out with people more like myself, than spend a night out in a pub (when I don't even drink) with a bunch of drunkards. That's not to say that I don't love the drunkards when they're not drunk, but being the only one sober when the rest of your friends are seeing life through beer goggles makes an evening a little less enjoyable, especially if they like joyriding on mobility scooters or something.

Back to the point, this month, I've actually got quite a lot of plans, and I took a look at the calender, to see that I actually only have a few days free in december, whether I'm doing something with the family, at college, out with friends, or at gigs, I'm busy almost everyday, and I've had to let my new boss know this, and although he told me that that's absolutely fine as he's only a starting business and isn't getting an awfully large amount of clients, I still felt extremely bad about having to let someone down, and now here comes the paragraph that would make it seem as if I need a psychiatrist. I don't, really, I don't.

I have an awfully large problem with letting people down. I'll kick myself for a week if I'm two minutes late to class, and it takes months to forgive myself if I have a day off college, when days off are unavoidable for me with my illness. It's almost like I get angry at myself for letting someone down just slightly, and even if that person tells me it's fine, it's okay, I still have that small fragment of doubt in my head that tells me I'm letting people down, and I can't stand it.

Anyway, thanks for reading the first babble I've had in a while.

Alie :) x