I don't know where to begin really. I haven't posted a rant or a personal blog on here in a long time, but I just feel as if getting back to blogging might be nice.
Recently I have been conflicted, once again. I really don't know what to do for the best. I have a situation, and like with all situations, it is a complicated one. I just don't know where my head is at or what I should be doing. I know deep down that what I want to do is get my brave on and just shout how I feel from the rooftops, but an unfortunate thing happened a few years ago and now I find myself terrified to utter the words. I don't personally think they'll do any good anyway, but then again, my apparently very low opinion of myself could possibly adding to the anxiety I feel when I contemplate biting the bullet and just going for it.
Now you've probably figured out what I'm talking about by now, so I'm not going to elaborate through fear of being found out, but I really needed to vent and get it out. Quite frankly, in my own head I feel as if I can't compete and that is another thing that is definitely getting in my way. To myself, I feel as if I am not good enough to even attempt what I want to attempt, and I find myself in a vicious circle where I constantly end up getting myself hurt because I was either too brave, or not brave enough. I wish things were easier. I wish that for once, the thing that I want would just come to me instead of me having to fight tooth and nail for it like I've had to my whole life. Deep down, I just want things to go the way I want them to go because if they do, I'll be the happiest girl alive.
Thanks for reading my ridiculous ramblings,
Alie. xo
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